SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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