he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
