Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
