I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
