Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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