I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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