White coat. Heels.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
