I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
