So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
