i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
