Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My ass is underappreciated
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
