every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
