Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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