Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
