sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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