I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
