Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
