My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
