You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
