TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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