It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Randomize
