Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
