I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
