Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
