happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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