I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
