I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
