Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
