I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
