just tell him i said nine months
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
