You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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