if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
