you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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