Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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