your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
