So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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