Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
