People in love make me want to vomit
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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