yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
