Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
