I'm really into asian looking animals
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
