My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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