Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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