Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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