our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
