We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
