I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
