I think im going to throw up on grandma
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
