Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
