So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
